About Parenting - What Every Woman in Her 30s Should Eventually Know

Parenting is a rather complex topic. But as in everything else, there are golden rules that are universal and timeless, no matter your worldview.

Our goal here is not to repeat what has already been written countless times on various platforms. For example, the well-known principle that a child needs rules - or if you prefer, boundaries.

The Real Purpose of Boundaries

It helps to divide rules into two categories:

Permanent rules – those that never change.
For example: washing hands before eating.
Flexible rules – those that can be adjusted depending on the situation.

For instance, if the rule is “don’t go near the stove,” that makes perfect sense while someone is cooking or baking.
But when the stove is off, the rule no longer serves a purpose - in fact, it can become limiting, because the child won’t learn to recognize situational context.

The goal isn’t blind obedience.
It’s to help the child understand the differences between situations - to know that the stove is dangerous, but not always.

The Psychology Behind Rule-Making

This approach works best if, until around age 9, the child learns that the parent decides what the rules are.
That way, in any new situation, the child will naturally look to the parent for guidance before acting.

Over time, this builds a secure sense of judgment - an understanding that rules exist to protect, yet can adapt when needed.

Around age 9, once the child is mature enough, we can start trusting them to assess situations on their own and decide how to stay safe while still enjoying their freedom.

The Connection Between Parenting and Worldview

Another important factor is the parents’ worldview.
Some are more conservative, others more liberal.
This alone isn’t a problem - unless we become too rigid in our own perspective.

When our worldview becomes inflexible, it can blind us to what our child actually needs.

The Child’s Temperament Matters More Than the Parent’s Theory

Many parents decide in advance how they’ll raise their children - for example, choosing a “free” or “permissive” parenting style that avoids setting limits.

But what happens if the child is naturally free-spirited, rebellious, or experimental by temperament?
Then the permissive parenting style and the child’s personality will amplify each other, quickly leading to chaos and constant conflict.

The opposite is also true: if a child is naturally disciplined, quiet, and self-controlled, strict parenting can backfire, suppressing what little spontaneity they have.

The Best Tactic: Pay Attention

After getting lost in a maze of parenting theories myself, I eventually decided to do only one thing: pay attention.

It turned out to be one of the most effective tactics I’ve ever used.
By simply observing, I realized that:

Some children need to be “pruned” a bit — meaning they benefit from structure, limits, and restraint.
Others need to be “pushed” — encouraged toward independence, boldness, even a little rebellion.

A free-spirited child benefits from a bit more control,
while a shy, quiet child benefits from a little more freedom.

Even if that means going against our own worldview.

The Essence

If we stop trying to enforce our ideas - and start trying to understand our child instead, we’ll finally see who they truly are.

And along the way, we ourselves will grow tremendously -
not to mention, everyday life will become much, much easier.

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